discipling

What do you do if one of your disciples pulls away from you? He may be going through a wilderness of discouragement like David; he may feel guilty because he gave in to temptation like Peter; he might even be running from God like Jonah. Do you just wait until he contacts you? Or do you chase him down?

First, the most important thing you can do is pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to work in his situation. Second, let him know you are praying and that you are available to talk. He may not respond immediately, but he needs reassurance of your love. Even if he doesn’t answer the phone you can text or leave a message. Third, love him unconditionally. Don’t scold him, get offended or cut him off. Remember: “Love is patient” (1 Cor. 13:4). Keep loving, keep pursuing, keep encouraging even when your disciple is going through hard times.

The apostle Paul loved people passionately. More than 40 times in his letters he refers to his disciples as “beloved.” He called Timothy his “beloved and faithful child” (1 Cor. 4:17); he described Epaphras as his “beloved fellow bondservant” (Col. 1:7); and he called Onesimus his “faithful and beloved brother” (Col. 4:9). The Greek word for “beloved” means “esteemed, dear or favorite.”

But how could more than one person be Paul’s favorite? This wouldn’t normally be possible. But when God’s supernatural love flows through you, you can love all your disciples like they are your favorites. God’s fervent love will stretch your heart and give you added capacity to demonstrate warm affection, sincere compassion and deep concern. This is the secret to effective mentoring. Love your disciples until they become “beloved” to you.

Sometimes a guy I’m discipling will crawl in a shell and hide because of discouragement, failure or shame. He withdraws from people and turns inward. We are all tempted to do this, but isolation is not healthy. You need your Christian friends and mentors, especially when you are down.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 says of friends: “If either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” The devil hates true fellowship, so he tries to divide us. He lies and says, “Your friend is too busy. Your mentor doesn’t care about you. No one understands you.” Don’t listen to that garbage! When you are down, reach out for help. Ask for prayer. Stay surrounded by caring friends. The Holy Spirit will minister to you through them.

When Paul met young Timothy in Asia Minor, Acts 16:3 says Paul “wanted this man to go with him.” Why? The apostle must have seen potential in the half-Greek convert. Timothy was inexperienced, and he struggled with timidity. But after he traveled with Paul and received loving mentorship, he led the church in Ephesus. Paul later said Timothy was like a son to him and that there was no one else with his “proven worth” (Phil. 2:22).

Be on the lookout for your Timothy! God will put him in your path. Invest time in him. Take him under your wing. He will not be perfect, and he might come from a broken family or struggle with personal challenges. But if you look past his flaws, your love and encouragement can transform him into a mature leader who might even surpass you in spiritual impact.